If Walls Could Talk...by Crystal
Seventeen, that was the age I first got pregnant. My boyfriend at the time was an alcoholic and cocaine addict who was also frequently unfaithful and physically abusive. After a year of feeling worthless and trapped, I finally developed the courage to leave him. At the same time I found out I was pregnant. I felt torn, I didn’t know what to do and I definitely couldn’t tell my parents. I knew that I didn’t want to be connected to this man for the rest of my life but I also understood that by being pregnant, I was already a mother. My boyfriend's mother begged me to keep the baby in hopes that it would straighten her son out. My father didn’t agree so I made an appointment to see a doctor. I was shown a picture of my baby and told that it was too early in the pregnancy, so it wasn’t even a baby at all. The doctor told me that it was just a bunch of cells and mucus, and that it would be harder on my teenage body to have a baby than to get an abortion. Deep within me I knew she was lying but her voice became louder than all the others so I followed it and had an abortion. Afterwards I felt so empty, like an undercurrent of loss flowing through my body.
Many years later, having come through several failed relationships and after three abortions, I had convinced myself that I never wanted to have children. Life went on but each year after my abortions, I would calculate the would-be-birthdays of my unborn children. It was like an imaginary celebration and funeral that I felt obligated to observe year after year. And still I wonder, would they have been a boy or a girl? What would they look like now/then?
God had a different plan for my life. I married a man and got pregnant right away. I can honestly say that I have never felt more love for another human than the day I looked at my newborn son. Years later I was blessed again with a daughter. I will never fully understand the grace I have been given to bear children but I am completely humbled at the privilege to be a mother.
When I found out about the House of Grace Pregnancy Centre I knew that I had a responsibility to support the vision. When I walked through the doors I could feel the warmth and love they had created. As I walked into one of the rooms, my heart ached. It was a place where women could come and talk about their unexpected pregnancy, a place where she would be seen and heard while facing this very important decision. I sensed that I would not have felt so alone and could have been empowered with options. I saw that women received support for all options and if they decided to parent, they could pick out clothes and other necessities for their new babies.
Then I heard the whisper in these walls. “What if this was available to you when you first were pregnant?” I got emotional, I could see the love and feel the hope displayed all around me. And I began to wonder some more, “...What if?...”
At House of Grace Pregnancy Centre we envision a community of Grace where no woman, man or family, faces the effects of an unexpected pregnancy alone; where God's grace is experienced, empowering them to process their fears & griefs in a safe place, with dignity & hope.
We offer Support After Abortion
For women and men: After abortion, many individuals feel relief while others have negative emotions. Responses vary. Reactions may be immediate or may arise years later and can depend on age or stage of pregnancy, religious or cultural beliefs, mental health or other factors. We're here to support you.
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